I’ve known you for like..umm…forever! We’ve seen good times, great times, CRAZarious times, and even some once in a lifetime/emotionally draining times. Through all of these times, we’ve been there for each other.
I’m writing this post to openly express that I 1 Corinthians 13 you. If I have hurt you in any way, then I apologize and I ask for your forgiveness. Please don’t be distracted by this writing style. It’s helpful to write the way I would talk to a friend. I’m also just doing and being me 🙂
I don’t have a mean spirit. I don’t seek to hurt people. That’s not what I’m about. I don’t care to intentionally hurt people. I walk in truth and honesty. I have to be honest or I can’t sleep! It sucks too because I am really tired sometimes and I can’t rest until I’m honest. It’s pretty terrible. Yeah, I’m losing a lot of people from my life because of it. Honesty doesn’t always feel good or sound good. We can’t run from it though because it’s the truth!
In the spirit of transparency, I have to let you know that I’m growing in Christ like a mug. It is soooooo Cray-Cray how this whole walk with Christ is going. I don’t mean crazy in a bad way I mean like in a B’s Crazy In Love way. “Yes! Uh oh!”
I am not the same person that I was when we met almost 20 years ago. Actually, I’m not the same person I was 2 days ago. When you’re in Christ, you’re a new creature and my walk with Him is so serious right now that I am growing and it is scaring me. I don’t talk about it because I don’t know what to say! I mean I’m more intentional with what I do. I allow the Lord to guide me and I pray daily about that. I seek Him first in all that I do.
The best way to explain it is to review some lyrics from “Crazy In Love.” Verse two:
When I talk to my friends so quietly,
Who he think he (He) is?
Look at what You did to me,
Tennis shoes, don’t even need to buy a new dress,
If You ain’t there ain’t nobody else to impress,
The way that You know what I thought I knew,
It’s the beat my heart skips when I’m with You,
But I still don’t understand,
Just how Your love can do what no one else can.
So, yeah….I’m in love hun. I also have really strong faith. It’s like really, really, really strong. I’m doing things I’ve never done before. Like, people are walking out of my life and I’m okay. Like people look me in my face and tell me one thing and behind my back they say HORRIBLE things and I’m like, “Uhhh…Well…Bless ya!” And, I’m keeping it moving. I think too after having experienced so much loss in my life in such a short period of time, that I’m used to people leaving.
When I think about it, I think I know why I remember very little that occured over a span of 11 or so years of my life: I was traumatized! From 1999 thru 2010, the Lord called home every adult member of my immediate, biological family. So, yeah… my 20s kinda sucked..No, seriously. And now, I live every single day on purpose. I live! I love! I laugh! HarD! I smile as much and as often as I can. I forgive and I can forget too. No, really! It’s kind of amazing how you replace horrible thoughts with the goodness of the Lord. Yeah.. I strive to focus on the positive because I know that my life could be so much worse.
I am thankful to be alive and on this wonderful journey called life. I’m thankful for everything in life and I’m super thankful for my relationship with the Lord. Chile…I’m so grateful. O-M-Geee!
I love you. #ihavefaithalldaylong that all is well and that everything is okay. Foreals 🙂